From jomac–(at)–ol.com Mon Nov 30 15:44:23 CST 1998
Article: 265836 of rec.music.makers.guitar
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From: jomac–(at)–ol.com (Jomack)
Newsgroups: rec.music.makers.guitar
Subject: Top 41 Excuses to Buy that Guitar
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Date: 30 Nov 1998 20:30:54 GMT
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From my mentor Field Marshall Al Hadji, A Man Privy to The Secrets of The
Deep, The Riddle of The Sphinx, and The Formula for Antigua Burst, I humbly
offer for your perusal::

Top 41 Excuses to Buy that Guitar

1. But I don’t have that *color* yet
2. No one else will have *two* in that color
3. Only 344 more to go and I own the whole production run
4. I want to try .010s’
5. I don’t have one yet
6. But it’s a Collectors’ Item
7. No one else in this area owns one
8. Think of what it will do for my playing
9. It’ll sound just great through that brown Deluxe I wanted
10. We really didn’t need to fix the car that badly
11. So we’ll buy food *next* week
12. Look it at! Someone just traded it in and it needs a good home.
Somewhere where it won’t be abused.
13. It is just like the one I wanted when I was 13 but didn’t have the
money for.
14. It has different pickups than the one I have got
15. I “connected” with it.
16. I came up with one hundred new songs in the 10 minutes I played it.
17. George Lynch plays one!
18. It’s got a paisley pick guard!
19. The salesman said it sounded great on me!
20. Leo would have wanted me to have it!
21. The scratches on the back exactly match my huge belt buckle- it’s a
sign.
22. Its the LAST ONE I’ll buy, I promise.
23. The owner said someone else was going to look at it, I didn’t think
I’d have time to ask you…
24. Its an investment.
25. It’ll go with my 5150 and case of Crystal Pepsi, perfectly!!
26. But it’s got SPEED KNOBS!!!!!
27. No, the one I have at home was made in Kalamazoo. THIS one wasn’t!
28. Baby, have I showed you my tongue lately?
29. Oh, come on! This is WINTER! They don’t shut off people’s heat in
winter!
30. Look! This one has a “5-way” switch.
31. If you don’t let me buy this one, I’m gonna start doing my “gay”
routine right here in the store!
32. Honey! Dogs can go without food for DAYS!!!
33. What phone shut-off?
34. I’m sorry, babe, I was all wrapped up in this guitar. What were you
saying?
35. But it’s got wide frets!
36. It matches that outfit you like.
37. But it comes with the strings!
38. Yeah, so I’ll have to buy a new amp for it. So what?
39. But it goes with your eyes, honey.
40. This old thing? I’ve had it for years.
41. Oh, that. I got it at a garage sale for 20 bucks.
42. Shut the hell up. T

 

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